Today

There was never any past. We were dead yesterday, and born just today.
We're only alive today... and have to give birth to ourselves tomorrow.

Step on a landmine

It's so easy to lose sense of what matters most. It's so hard to know, at times, what we really want. This thing that's called "setting priorities" in more formal words can be pretty tough.

But I've found a way to solve this issue. Simple: I Imagine that I have a foot on a land mine. Then I make a list of what really, really matters.

In the movie Behind Enemy Lines there is a scene where a soldier steps over a landmine and realizes it that very second. He stares at it with horror and disbelief. In the next few moments, he begs his companion to help him and is cruelly refused. (Of course, hardly anything could be done.) He eventually shoots himself to spare himself the agony of waiting for death alone in that silent, big jungle where the landmine was hidden.

A moment's observation can be worth a lifetime of learning. Life is pretty much like this jungle full of secret possibilities and hidden dangers, especially these days when we can't tell where the landmine of death is planted. This death itself can come in the form of actual physical death - or end of relationships, careers, buildings, and people around us. The death of anything that matters.

Death is a moment of truth. I wondered about the soldier who may have had a few minutes to think about his life. In the movie, he was a "bad guy" soldier - if he were good, at least like the central character in American Beauty, we could get a little insight in his last few thoughts.

Anyhow. Whenever I have a decision of importance to make, from keeping a friendship to switching career, I put a mental foot on an imaginary landmine. It quickly tells me what I really, really want and won't regret having done or achieved were I to go in the next few moments.

From now on....

Just random thoughts.

The Secret World of Rumi, the Fantastic World of I

I have been talking to myself for years. Earlier on, it was for the need of a friend. I now have a few good friends, with whom I can share more things. I am certain I do not have many "big, deep secrets" left.

But I was born with a sad, lonely nature. I can no longer decide whether that's right or wrong. I was also born with an exuberant nature. Both of them peacefully co-exist.

The world is much too chaotic for a person to assert their own essence or influence. Sometimes it is the world that influences me, sometimes I live myself through this world. In any case, this is sometimes troubling, but mostly interesting.

Throughout my life, I have largely been quiet, though most perceived my pretension of noise to be the real me. It wasn't. I still haven't spoken on many things. But I must speak now.

Whether it by G-d's design, or my own attempt, I am still quiet and talk mostly within my head. It's made me sad over the years, and it sometimes scares me still - as if I exist in a void.

I do not know.

The only amazing and wonderful realization that I am beginning to have is that my nature has made me intelligent. There are amazingly indescribable beautiful images and thoughts in my head. I know many things, but speak on few. I know what's in the heart of people, and what the future is. My mind is simply too powerful. It speaks to me, and I have wonderful dreams in night - some of which I will share here - with great detail of imagery and story. I feel they must not go to the waste of quiet memory. I shall write them...

For the past three years, I have gone through a certain period of pain brought on about change. The change itself, however, is wonderful. I have found love, and with it, much happiness - more than what my character can gracefully take. Yet this entire period has brought forth much that I had kept hidden deep within me. That, and the awakening of the strange gift of Wisdom makes me conscious, creative, and expressive.

What I have to share, however, can be difficult for those around me. So I have decided to put to "paper" here.

More than that, there is nothing to say as to why I am going to write.